I’ve heard some people say before that the dating pool becomes smaller as you get older, which I definitely think is true, but that is a good thing in my eyes since I take that as a sign that you’re just more aware of the key qualities you’re looking for a potential partner to have.
For example, the average person in their early twenties got an idea of what they want to do in life, but not really certain, since this is usually their first time living on their own, along with making key decisions. Also, this applies for them when it comes to dating in trying to figure things out as well.
Yet, the average person in their late twenties and early thirties knows what key qualities they are looking for their potential partner to have, mainly since they have been on their own for a while in life and gone through and experience some things.
As a result, the person is now able to save themselves time and easily weed out individuals they initially talk to in person or on a dating site like Tinder, without even needing to exchange numbers or go on a date with them. Furthermore, most of us will agree, including myself that we dated someone in our past while we were younger that we wouldn’t even waste our time in talking to now.
How many of us know a person that’s been dating someone for a while and when you ask them how are things in their relationship they give you the common Facebook status response of “it’s complicated”. That particular reply has always baffled me when I hear it, mainly because I only think of three legitimate possible answers someone can respond to that question with and “it’s complicated”, has never been one of them for me.
I say that because in my opinion you’re either in an official relationship with someone, not in an official relationship anymore with that person with no plans to get back together with them, or the two of you aren’t officially together anymore, but have mutually agreed to take a break to try and figure some things out while leaving the door open to possibly get back together, which I personally never have understood or agree with why two grown adults need to take a break to know if they want to be together moving forward, but that is a whole separate topic that I’ll discuss on another day.
Furthermore, when I hear someone say “its complicated” that makes me question how good the communication is/was in their relationship because if the communication is good between the two individuals, neither party should ever be unsure where things stand, even if the two sides aren’t seeing eye to eye on something at that time.
Thus, I think that it’s vital for any couple that desires to have good communication to make time to talk on the phone every night before bed for at least 30 to 60 minutes through iPhone facetime or an app like WhatsApp, while giving each other their undivided attention no matter how hectic or busy their day might of been, because things can sometime can misinterpreted if you’re just texting always. Also, if the two people stay together I feel that it’s just as important to set aside time time each night to discuss whatever might be on your heart with the person that you’re with, even if it’s 20-30 minutes before bed or in the morning before you start your day.
The topic I plan to address in the blog probably won’t help me to be real popular with most people currently in this situation. Therefore, for anybody that take offense to some things I’m about to say, I apologize in advance and just know I’m only bringing this up so people can be thinking about things like this ahead of time.
There is always a chance of an unplanned pregnancy happening when a man/woman decide to have sex together. Yet, if the guy is using protection with a known brand condom like Trojan and the woman is on some form of FDA approved birth control, the odds should be very low that both will fail during sex. Furthermore, if a woman does end up pregnant that is an indication to me that either the man/woman decided to not do their part in trying to prevent the pregnancy and left things in their sexual partner hands instead, which can turn out to be a nightmare with the wrong person, especially for a woman.
For example, if two people have a baby together and things don’t work out between them, usually the woman will have the child with her most of the time through joint custody with the father, if not full custody, unless the court has ruled that she is an unfit mother. Thus, if she has a baby with a guy who isn’t ready or willing to take on financial responsibilities that come with being a father, she can potentially end up raising the child alone, which most women don’t sign up for but end up being their reality.
Also, a woman raising a child by herself can possibly impact future relationships she might have with other men as well and let me explain. The woman might want to go on a date with a guy she just met, but if she got no family members or close friends she trust that are willing to keep her child, she might miss out on a getting to know a great guy because of not having any availability. As a result, remember ladies that a person actions always speak louder than words. Thus, if the guy not consistent, a provider, or a man of his word before the baby, it’s a very good chance he won’t be after the baby is born.
A question I’m often asked by people who people who get to know me is why is it that I’m single, which my reply is usually that I haven’t met that special young lady that I see a long term future with as my potential wife one day and feel will make a great mother to my future child , along with the chemistry being natural and not force between us.
Yet, a lot of people unfortunately in society today end up in relationships for convenience instead of for the right reasons. A key contributing factor in my opinion for this happening is that most people sadly aren’t in a good space in life, especially financially. My criteria of an individual being in a good space in life by the way is someone that that was happily single before they even got in a romantic relationship and already living their life to the fullest and not waiting for someone else to bring them happiness.
Also, an individual that doesn’t need to be in a romantic relationship unless they can see a long term future with who they’re with. Next, my last criteria is a person that has an emergency fund of money in an insured FDIC bank and stocks/bonds with a broker like Merrill Edge or TD Ameritrade to take care of their money expenses for at least three to six months if they were to encounter a financial hardship with no income coming into the household.
Last, if you’re a person that is in a current relationship mainly for convenience and possibly not happy about where you are in life just remember that it’s never too late to start making changes in your present life to start building for where you want to be in the future.
I’m sure everyone has heard someone in a relationship, especially if the person is married, complain about something they wished their significant other still did that they use to at the start of their relationship. Unfortunately, this is quite common for most people to get too comfortable in a relationship with someone that they’ve been with for a while and start to take the person for granted.
Thus, it’s very important to be consistent while you’re with someone and not to stop doing things that your significant other like, that possibly heavily contributed to the person wanting to be in a relationship with you in the first place. Furthermore, this is why it’s critical to be yourself at the start of the relationship and not try and portray who you think the person that you’re courting wants you to be, like you probably see often on social media sites like Twitter and Instagram, when that isn’t you so the person can make an inform decision on whether they want to get to know you more or decide that the two of you aren’t compatible, which you rather learn earlier than later if that is truly the case anyhow.
Last, I recommend that any couple that have possibly lost some of their relationship fire to start sitting down once a week with their significant other to give each other relationship grades of an A,B,C,D, or a F and be able to explain why. As a result, this is a way for the two of you to let each other know what you like that was done that week, along with a chance to hold each other accountable and receive constructive feedback on improvement opportunities to hopefully help your relationship continue to grow even more.
I’m a firm believer that the people we interact with daily in our lives, even on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are either an asset or a liability to us. Therefore, if given the option of the two, I’m sure most people will agree with me that they prefer the person that they view as an asset. Yet, a lot of people unfortunately have friends and family members that they’re very close with, along with a significant other that is a liability to them.
One key sign that a friend or family member is a liability to you is if you find yourself having to help them with something on a regular, but they’re hardly ever available or make you a priority when you need them just for something small to help with. Thus, you probably need to love them from a distance a little while and stop doing most of the things, if not all, that you do for them often until they learn to appreciate it, especially if you’re addressed the issue multiple times with them with no change behavior already.
Furthermore, a key sign that your significant other is a liability is if you find yourself less happy and more stress because of what they do or don’t on a regular, than you was before they came into your life. Also, if you was doing better before they came into your life, especially financially, that is a red flag that the person is a liability. As a result, I highly recommend that you reevaluate your relationship with a significant other under either one or both of these circumstances.
One of the key things I love in life, which makes the world great in my opinion, is that everyone doesn’t like the same things or think alike. Yet, I’ve discovered on so many separate occasions that a number of disagreements between close family members or friends stems from one side having the mindset that they shouldn’t have to tell the person they have an issue with what is wrong and just assume the other individual should just know.
However, that is definitely not the type of attitude you want to have and I’m about to explain why. One of my golden rules in life is to “Treat others how I want to be treated” Therefore, just like I’m hoping you wouldn’t want someone that you care about to have an issue with you and not let you know about it, why would you want to do that to another person?
Also, don’t go telling other people about the issue you have with an individual on social media sites like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter when you haven’t taken the time to address the issue with the source, especially if you know where they live to meet with them in person to talk or have the person number to give them a call about it. I will ask the question once again, which is ” Do you want somebody to do that to you?”
Last, it’s important to have a discussion with the individual that you’re mad or disappointed in with the intent to listen and understand instead of listening to reply because the two of you might of been looking at things from different perspectives, where neither one of you is actually right or wrong and the other person honestly might not of had any clue of what they did before you told them.