Dating Pool

I’ve heard some people say before that the dating pool becomes smaller as you get older, which I definitely think is true, but that is a good thing in my eyes since I take that as a sign that you’re just more aware of the key qualities you’re looking for a potential partner to have.

For example, the average person in their early twenties got an idea of what they want to do in life, but not really certain, since this is usually their first time living on their own, along with making key decisions. Also, this applies for them when it comes to dating in trying to figure things out as well.

Yet, the average person in their late twenties and early thirties knows what key qualities they are looking for their potential partner to have, mainly since they have been on their own for a while in life and gone through and experience some things.

As a result, the person is now able to save themselves time and easily weed out individuals they initially talk to in person or on a dating site like Tinder, without even needing to exchange numbers or go on a date with them. Furthermore, most of us will agree, including myself that we dated someone in our past while we were younger that we wouldn’t even waste our time in talking to now.

Misery Loves Company

There is an old saying most of you have probably heard before, which is that misery loves company. Thus, it’s very important to distinguish if a person has your best interest at heart before you value their opinion and take advise from them, considering you are the one that has to live with the consequences of your decisions and not them.

Therefore, I’m about to discuss a couple of things to look out for that people usually do on a regular who really aren’t joyful that you’re winning or on the right path in life and doing better than them.

If a person never seem to be genuine happy or ever have anything nice to say when you achieve a major milestone in life, whether that involves you getting a promotion at your job, earning your masters degree, meeting your soul mate and getting engage, etc. these are definitely red flags. I say that because someone who has your best interest at heart should be one of your biggest fans when these type of things take place in your life and very proud, as you should be for them if the roles were reverse.

Last, an individual that always seems to point out flaws in others when someone else is speaking in high regard of the other person, even if they need to go back and find a moment that happen years in the past and the person has done so many positive things since then. This is a major red flag to me because it’s a sign of jealousy and if they do it consistency when it comes to others, rest assured they do the same to you when your name is brought up around them and you’re not present.

Will I Get My Money Back?

Most people have let a family member or friend borrow money before, with the agreement that they would be paid back on a specific day. Unfortunately, things don’t go as plan always, even if the person borrowed the money with their heart in the right place and having all intentions of paying you back fully and on time.

Thus, if you’re NOT able to answer yes to both questions I’m about to raise on the borrower, it’s probably not a good idea to lend them the money with expectations that it will be paid back on the agreed time frame. First, does the individual have a track history of paying their bills on time? If no, the chances are slim to none that he/she about to pay you back on time when the person doesn’t do that with their own money.

Next, does the person really have a plan in place to pay you back on time if you let them borrow the money? This is a legitimate question because often times the individual who needs the money only focus is that moment in time. As a result, the person usually not even thinking about two weeks later on when they do get paid in having to give you your owed amount out of that and basically being back in the same situation that has them currently trying to borrow from you.

Last, unless the person is about to receive extra money through something like an IRS tax refund, getting paid three times instead of two for a specific month at their job, or provided you with a valid plan there is a great chance you won’t see that money again no time soon if you let them borrow it.

How to Get Ahead In Life

If you’re a person that feel like you never seem to ever be able to get ahead in life, no matter what you do, I would strongly suggest that you take a close look and evaluate the people that you talk with and are around daily in your free time. It’s important to do this because if the people don’t have similar aspirations and goals in life, they can actually be hindering you from progressing, without you really recognizing it.

For instance, you can have a great job and be making great money but if the people in your close circle are needing to borrow money from you often and not paying you back fully, if at all, that can be a key factor why your bank account(s) never seem to really increase, no matter how much you continue to move up the ladder in your career.

However, if you’re around people often that inspire, motivate, and encourage you they will expand your horizon on your way of thinking, along with introducing you to new and different way of doing things that probably will help you to get ahead in life for a change.

Furthermore, if the people in your close circle motivate you then that means they already got something or things you hope to obtain, whether that is a new house they just bought, having a successful side business, being in a good space financially, or just being a positive person in general.

Finally, evaluating what you’re reading and watching on TV, Youtube, Netflix, etc. on a regular is just as important. There is nothing wrong with doing those things for enjoyment, but you want to make sure that you’re learning something that you can apply in your daily life sometime as well, since having balance is essential in everything we do.

Leaving The Nest

I don’t have any kids yet, mainly because I rather be married first, but I definitely want to be able to help and give any child of mines an even better head start in life once they become an adult than what I had. This is usually the goal of all parents, but as in everything in life, things don’t always go as plan and sometime parents can actually be hurting their kid when they think that they’re helping.

A great example is letting your kid continue to stay with you after they are done with school and working. If your child is saving a significant amount of their money monthly to buy a house or putting it to an emergency fund this can be a great thing, However, if your child is just blowing most of their money monthly this can be a very bad thing, especially if he/she is living a lifestyle with you that they wouldn’t be able to sustain on their own.

The key reason I say this is because if your child is living a much better lifestyle with you and doing whatever they want with their money they will be less motivated to ever move out. Second, they probably will struggle when they do move out, whether living alone or with someone in a relationship who wants them to help out on the bills, if they’ve become accustom to doing whatever they want monthly with their pay money.

Last, if a child does stay with their parents for years after school and been working the majority of that time when they move out, but got nothing to show for it, I do feel the parents fail in helping their kid get that important head start in life.

Excuses or Results

I grew up in the south, so you will probably hear me repeat a lot of sayings often in my blogs, one of them being “excuses or results, we can’t have both.” This is so true to me because as humans we can make excuses about anything in life that we really don’t want to do or why we’re not where we want to be at during this stage of our life, and some excuses are valid. Yet, if you think about it, excuses rarely get us to where we want to be at or what we desire to have, but results do.

For instance, if you just graduated college and having a hard time getting a job in the field that you got your degree in because you wasn’t able to get a paid internship offer during the summer of your junior/senior year, the easy thing to do is to be mad at the hiring managers and everyone who got an internship over you and play the victim card while blaming others. Also, please understand that I know sometime you will actually be a true victim in a situation, but it usually won’t change the real reason why you’re down and not happy.

Therefore, I feel the best way to handle a situation like this is to reach out to Fortune 500 companies like Home Depot, State Farm Insurance, etc and let them know that you’re willing to do an internship for free for about two or three months, because if you got the credentials and willing to work for free I guarantee someone will find a spot in that company for you.

Plus, it’s a win-win for both sides, since you’ll get the needed internship experience that is holding you back from getting the job you want and the company will get free work that they didn’t have to budget for and might even decide to bring you on-board full time afterwards. Finally, this is why I stress that it’s important to have the right mindset in life, because you will learn how to think outside the box better while staying positive to get what you want, instead of becoming a negative and bitter person.

Things Aren’t Always What They Seem

For some people that are single Valentine’s Day can be tough, with promotions and advertising usually starting a month in advance leading up to the date and being displayed in all types of different places, from just about every aisle at a supermarket like Walmart that the person visit often to even being on local television stations like CBS, ABC, and NBC that they watch daily.

Therefore, if a person isn’t looking at things from the right perspective or hanging around positive people on a regular, they can easily find themselves being a little down, when in reality, they probably shouldn’t feel that way at all.

For example, there are some women who will have someone they consider special in their life to spend this upcoming Valentine’s Day with, but other than on special occasions they’re not being treated like a queen or a priority by that person for the other three hundred plus days in the year. Next, we live in the social media era where people get to control the narrative for the most part of what you get to view, see, and hear when it comes to their life.

As a result, the majority of people with a significant other are just showing or telling you what they want you to know about their relationship, even if things are great the majority of the time, so definitely don’t get discourage or down about that either.

Last, there are plenty of people who are very much in love and happy as well. Thus, if you’re single just remember that everybody doesn’t meet the person that is the one for them on the same timeline. Furthermore, use this time to improve your personal and professional life daily, so when you do meet that special someone you can be in a good space and know how to love them the right way, so they will want to stay in your life, even after the honeymoon phase of initial meeting is over….

It’s Complicated

How many of us know a person that’s been dating someone for a while and when you ask them how are things in their relationship they give you the common Facebook status response of “it’s complicated”. That particular reply has always baffled me when I hear it, mainly because I only think of three legitimate possible answers someone can respond to that question with and “it’s complicated”, has never been one of them for me.

I say that because in my opinion you’re either in an official relationship with someone, not in an official relationship anymore with that person with no plans to get back together with them, or the two of you aren’t officially together anymore, but have mutually agreed to take a break to try and figure some things out while leaving the door open to possibly get back together, which I personally never have understood or agree with why two grown adults need to take a break to know if they want to be together moving forward, but that is a whole separate topic that I’ll discuss on another day.

Furthermore, when I hear someone say “its complicated” that makes me question how good the communication is/was in their relationship because if the communication is good between the two individuals, neither party should ever be unsure where things stand, even if the two sides aren’t seeing eye to eye on something at that time.

Thus, I think that it’s vital for any couple that desires to have good communication to make time to talk on the phone every night before bed for at least 30 to 60 minutes through iPhone facetime or an app like WhatsApp, while giving each other their undivided attention no matter how hectic or busy their day might of been, because things can sometime can misinterpreted if you’re just texting always. Also, if the two people stay together I feel that it’s just as important to set aside time time each night to discuss whatever might be on your heart with the person that you’re with, even if it’s 20-30 minutes before bed or in the morning before you start your day.

Unplanned Pregnancy

The topic I plan to address in the blog probably won’t help me to be real popular with most people currently in this situation. Therefore, for anybody that take offense to some things I’m about to say, I apologize in advance and just know I’m only bringing this up so people can be thinking about things like this ahead of time.

There is always a chance of an unplanned pregnancy happening when a man/woman decide to have sex together. Yet, if the guy is using protection with a known brand condom like Trojan and the woman is on some form of FDA approved birth control, the odds should be very low that both will fail during sex. Furthermore, if a woman does end up pregnant that is an indication to me that either the man/woman decided to not do their part in trying to prevent the pregnancy and left things in their sexual partner hands instead, which can turn out to be a nightmare with the wrong person, especially for a woman.

For example, if two people have a baby together and things don’t work out between them, usually the woman will have the child with her most of the time through joint custody with the father, if not full custody, unless the court has ruled that she is an unfit mother. Thus, if she has a baby with a guy who isn’t ready or willing to take on financial responsibilities that come with being a father, she can potentially end up raising the child alone, which most women don’t sign up for but end up being their reality.

Also, a woman raising a child by herself can possibly impact future relationships she might have with other men as well and let me explain. The woman might want to go on a date with a guy she just met, but if she got no family members or close friends she trust that are willing to keep her child, she might miss out on a getting to know a great guy because of not having any availability. As a result, remember ladies that a person actions always speak louder than words. Thus, if the guy not consistent, a provider, or a man of his word before the baby, it’s a very good chance he won’t be after the baby is born.

Why Are You Single?

A question I’m often asked by people who people who get to know me is why is it that I’m single, which my reply is usually that I haven’t met that special young lady that I see a long term future with as my potential wife one day and feel will make a great mother to my future child , along with the chemistry being natural and not force between us.

Yet, a lot of people unfortunately in society today end up in relationships for convenience instead of for the right reasons. A key contributing factor in my opinion for this happening is that most people sadly aren’t in a good space in life, especially financially. My criteria of an individual being in a good space in life by the way is someone that that was happily single before they even got in a romantic relationship and already living their life to the fullest and not waiting for someone else to bring them happiness.

Also, an individual that doesn’t need to be in a romantic relationship unless they can see a long term future with who they’re with. Next, my last criteria is a person that has an emergency fund of money in an insured FDIC bank and stocks/bonds with a broker like Merrill Edge or TD Ameritrade to take care of their money expenses for at least three to six months if they were to encounter a financial hardship with no income coming into the household.

Last, if you’re a person that is in a current relationship mainly for convenience and possibly not happy about where you are in life just remember that it’s never too late to start making changes in your present life to start building for where you want to be in the future.